Modern day marriage within an Islamic context

"Muslims like to talk about one of two things: marriage and Jinns:" Ustadh Ubaydullah Evans.

Whilst that may be the case, and, marriage having such a high bar in that it is half of the completion of our religion; there really isn't much effective dialogue that is constructive in addressing the issue(s) that pertain to same.

Would you prefer your child to have an arranged marriage? Is love marriage even acceptable? How is it preferred that a match be made? Are cross - religion marriages even an option? Should people look local or global? What race, socio-economic, educational level(s) should the partner posses? Are you preaching the same principles that your parent(s) preached? Are they even relevant? Does it matter?

Generally speaking, within the framework of Muslim marriage there are two options: Arranged vs Love.

In an Arranged marriage scenario, if the marriage doesn't work out the person who made such a pairing is to be blamed instead of oneself.

On the other hand, in a love marriage one has only oneself to blame if all else fails and the parents will too especially of such a marriage went against the wishes of the parents.

Within Arranged marriages contexts, parents or guardians will consider the the following factors, upon which, to make a pairing:

1. Economic
2. Education
3. Family background
4. Culture

Whereas, in a love marriage typically one doesn't go out looking or in search of love, it just happens.

Nowadays, however, many amongst Muslims may screen selectively to ensure that their mate has certain factors or qualities similar to their own as with an arranged marriage dynamic. It is almost a fusion of the love/arranged marriage model.

This, in turn, presents with the question: What is halal dating? Is there such a thing? How else are we to learn further of the partner that we are choosing?

Within Islam, it needs to be understood that segregation is very common. Finding someone with whom there is compatibility thus becomes a task that almost seems impossible.

Some choose to abide by the moral codes of Islam, whilst others do not. At this stage it needs to be borne in mind that a love of God much superior and following His ultimate guidance is the sole reason and goal in Muslim belief. Even when it comes to looking at 'dating.'

For reasons thereof, physical connections outside of marriage, 'experimenting' or having a 'fling' don't exist in Islamic ethics. Self - preservation, discipline and protection, do. Remember: a person does not truly love you if they want to take you to a hell fire in the after life.

That is why someone who has good character and deen will choose to persevere with what is the preferred, but still current (and applicable) to the correct way in going about in doing so; that is, courting.

Goals of courting are not based on any physical consummation nor new encounters but are primarily centered around getting married. A nikah to gain God's blessings leads to physical and deeper emotional attachment after this long-term commitment is made.

From the first meeting to getting married mutual compatibility; attraction and spiritual understanding are general factors that are weighed up.

What Happens On A Halal Date?

Though Muslims often find it difficult to come to some sort of conclusion as to the way out religion operates; nonetheless there is some common ground that has been agreed to as to how an Islamic date should go about.

Primarily, it needs to be borne in mind that the finding of the One True God Who creates love and unites people is the main goal of the exercise and in marriage which is half of your deen.

Interactions based on dignity and respect are also part of our teachings.

Often enough, single Muslims are introduced through friends, family, networking, marriage sites, matchmaking individuals and/or social events.

Secondly, we have the boundaries of Islamic law which need to be adhered to. This would mean that meeting in public places, without being isolated and with Islamic behavior and dress codes is what has been ordained. Gatherings should be able to give the single Muslim a 'sense' of the other person. Personal compatibility requires more than one meeting and questions are then presented on both sides. Having similar goals in life would be one objective of both.

It would also be recommended that parties be aware of what being in a relationship entails. Education in relationships should be a highly desirable goal as well as a wanting to work together as a team. Knowledge of personality types and screening for different ones is also very important as this will help one decide whether or not one is able to live in such sorts of relationships or not. People do not change and one has to either be willing to change and work with and to what degree one is able also needs to be factored up from the outset. If one sees that there are certain qualities or issues present from the outset, then it is most likely that these issues do not fade but are magnified once married.

The best way to work on a marriage is before marriage, as getting married is just part of the process. In order to understand one's better half better it would highly be suggested that one engage in pre-marital training or counseling. Whether or not this should be through a masjid based community is something for us all to consider going forward. Workshop sessions on relationships and equipping persons with the right tools is underrated. Overlooking this leads to the demise of the very essence of what our community, hence, the roots of the foundation laying blocks of our future.

Days are gone where one marries to please parents. Marriage is never about pleasing a parent; but rather pleasing the Almighty first. Healthy, loving, thriving, just relationships is what would be most desirable. Muslims should be encouraged to make their own decisions and do engage in an Isthekhara process once screening is done. Love the rest unto thy Lord. Having said that, the community needs to play a greater role in how to sustain and enliven marriage. It is nothing near the portrayal of what Hollywood or Bollywood shows. In fact, reality is probably closer to what Pakistani dramas portray. Reinforcing oppression is not a solution either. Turning a blind eye to the reality of what the marriage market has become will not help. It is time for a change. A burning issue that needs to be addressed; with the coming of community as one.