Wherever we choose to look, it can be said that we either are born into a hierarchy or create one for ourselves. Within every association made, there is a pecking order. It can be either by default, or, because we are taught to think that way. This is regardless of whether we think about it or not. Some may know their place, and many try to maintain status quo or attempt to alter it.
Amongst women, it’s a fierce and complicated order as it is, and, when placed within the Muslim model living in the West a greater dynamic comes into play. Not only is it who’s more attractive; but also, whose children are better and whose husbands are more accomplished. Propelled into the mix is the greater competition of - who stays at home, who is the atypical soccer mom and who has a career, coupled with, a level of religious judgment an racial element which is put amongst the very forefront of where one will sit on the, 'sliding scale.' Is she fair complexioned? Did she or will she get better married off than me? Arab or non Arab? Pakistani, Indian or Fijian? Muslim convert? How many activities is the child enrolled in? Which Sunday school do they attend? Which masjid community do they mix in?
Later, the comparison begins within extended family and sometimes preference is given to certain family members based on these qualities. For instance, the daughter in law that is a doctor is higher valued than the accountant daughter in law. The convert that a guy is considering for marriage is less likely to have to mingle with extended family than the daughter in law who speaks the same language. Expectations change, hierarchies, again, assigned.
An establishment of such order makes it very difficult for women to be at ease with themselves and with other women in general. It’s worth noting, too, that some women have given up because circumstances are beyond their control.
The bottom line is that it’s much more bewildering than, “So, what do you do?” How do we reconcile someone like Malala in the scheme of things? Would someone like her who had to unlearn everything to make a stand even be tolerated?
The other pressure comes from men viewing women and sizing them up and being non appreciative of what the market has to offer or the current choice of spouse.
Take a moment to think deeply. Such programming may have started from childhood. Where do people stand? What qualities made them more impressionable and influential? Look within in your family and community. Who dictated the terms?
Realistically speaking, hierarchies can only be present within in our own minds. Is the hierarchy based on being more spiritual, or financial success, or beauty, or talents? Why is such a criteria so necessary? Who is above and below whom? What is the payoff? How do you feel about where you stand? Do you want to keep that? At what cost?
Being bound by such a hierarchy will keep one in a competitive mode with others. The price of competition can be rather high. Learning to let go and being content is what is required by our faith. In the end, none of it will really matter. Hierarchy is unnecessary and damaging to the body, mind and spirit. You can choose to be either in control or not. Choice is yours.
