Wherever we choose to look, it can be said that we either are born into a hierarchy or create one for ourselves. Within every association made, there is a pecking order. It can be either by default, or, because we are taught to think that way. This is regardless of whether we think about it or not. Some may know their place, and many try to maintain status quo or attempt to alter it.
Amongst women, it’s a fierce and complicated order as it is, and, when placed within the Muslim model living in the West a greater dynamic comes into play. Not only is it who’s more attractive; but also, whose children are better and whose husbands are more accomplished. Propelled into the mix is the greater competition of - who stays at home, who is the atypical soccer mom and who has a career, coupled with, a level of religious judgment an racial element which is put amongst the very forefront of where one will sit on the, 'sliding scale.' Is she fair complexioned? Did she or will she get better married off than me? Arab or non Arab? Pakistani, Indian or Fijian? Muslim convert? How many activities is the child enrolled in? Which Sunday school do they attend? Which masjid community do they mix in?
Later, the comparison begins within extended family and sometimes preference is given to certain family members based on these qualities. For instance, the daughter in law that is a doctor is higher valued than the accountant daughter in law. The convert that a guy is considering for marriage is less likely to have to mingle with extended family than the daughter in law who speaks the same language. Expectations change, hierarchies, again, assigned.
An establishment of such order makes it very difficult for women to be at ease with themselves and with other women in general. It’s worth noting, too, that some women have given up because circumstances are beyond their control.
The bottom line is that it’s much more bewildering than, “So, what do you do?” How do we reconcile someone like Malala in the scheme of things? Would someone like her who had to unlearn everything to make a stand even be tolerated?
The other pressure comes from men viewing women and sizing them up and being non appreciative of what the market has to offer or the current choice of spouse.
Take a moment to think deeply. Such programming may have started from childhood. Where do people stand? What qualities made them more impressionable and influential? Look within in your family and community. Who dictated the terms?
Realistically speaking, hierarchies can only be present within in our own minds. Is the hierarchy based on being more spiritual, or financial success, or beauty, or talents? Why is such a criteria so necessary? Who is above and below whom? What is the payoff? How do you feel about where you stand? Do you want to keep that? At what cost?
Being bound by such a hierarchy will keep one in a competitive mode with others. The price of competition can be rather high. Learning to let go and being content is what is required by our faith. In the end, none of it will really matter. Hierarchy is unnecessary and damaging to the body, mind and spirit. You can choose to be either in control or not. Choice is yours.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Cabra-Matters: An Ex Pat's Memoirs on being Australian at Heart
Cabramatta is a suburb in south west of Sydney, located in New South Wales, Australia. It was once a town known predominantly for its agriculture and the name came into existence after a township grew from the village with a railway system being built in the 1850s. The presence of a migrant hostel alongside Cabramatta High School was decisive in shaping the community in the post-war period. It housed a large number of post-war immigrants who began to develop local businesses within the region. For such reasons, Cabramatta and the surrounding Fairfield area was characterized by a diversity of Australian-born children having migrant parents. A second tide of immigration ensued and this time migrants were from south-east Asia as a result of the Vietnam War. During the 1980s, Cabramatta was transformed into a thriving Asian community, displacing many of the previous migrant generation. Today, should one ever pay a visit, it could easily be confused with the streets of Saigon or any other "Chinatown" and is Australia's largest non-Anglo-Celtic commercial precinct.
The suburb also served as a home to one of the country's most reformative leaders: Gough Whitlam. Fairfield Council will honour the late Gough Whitlam by naming the public square at its new Dutton Lane development in Cabramatta "Gough Whitlam Place". His memorial service will also be broadcast in Freedom Plaza. The former prime minister was member for the southwest seat of Werriwa for 25 years. He was very approachable and had Australia at heart. In fact, it was his direct experience of life in the sprawling western suburbs that inspired him to address the problems of urban Australia. Once in government, he never lost his passion or empathy for working Australians. He helped transform Australia into a land of progress, opportunity, equality and fairness.
It was at about that time that as with many early migrants in the 1970s, my father applied for migration to Australia and was accepted there. He left Pakistan was to avoid the political instability of the region; hereby securing a better future to come and because he did not have the heart to charge money from the poorest of poor persons upon seeking treatment. Upon arriving at the shores of Australia, he received employment with Fairfield Hospital located in Sydney's Western suburbs. During the year of 1974, he went back to Pakistan to visit his family and it was decided that he should seek a new bride to wed. It was during that year that both my mother and father married. My mother sought migration not long thereafter.
Both were later united in the same year and worked together in Fairfield Hospital for some time. Later, my father grew his practice in Cabramatta. Western Sydney is now known for generating the third largest economy in Australia behind the Sydney Central Business District and Melbourne and its highly dense multicultural population.
Consequently, we grew up with core, unique, Australian multicultural values consisting of three essential elements:
1. Those who arrive in Australia are invited to continue to celebrate their cultures and traditions, not only within a broader culture of freedom but, more importantly, with due regard;
2. Shared respect for democratic beliefs, laws and rights; and
3. Belief in its political bipartisanship.
In the interim, the suburb did begin to have an image problem, primarily due to its reputation as a point for drug-dealing. With the refugee influx came a heroin problem, which, has now been contained. My father was also very influential in getting the attention of media and government on the issue and did speak before the Parliamentary Inquiry.
Cabramatta is also remembered for the political murder of a NSW State MP, John Newman,outside his Cabramatta home in September 1994. This was Australia's first ever political assassination and thus this assassination drew much attention and alarm.
All around, Cabramatta is what modern day Australia encompasses. It sets the stage for shaping Australia politically, and, from a policy perspective. It grew, suffered some loss, and, now, has become a place to where people want to flock in order to sustain some of the best deals on material; electronics; homeware; shoes; food and clothing. Therefore, the multicultural environment brought much innovation, ideas, skills, energy with achievement. Lives were enriched for those reasons. Australians enjoy a higher standard of living than they would have, otherwise, due to a broad array of skills and knowledge. Part of this meant working within these values to sustain a culture within a new homeland. A recognition and celebration of different cultural heritages was made with a common, shared future.
The suburb also served as a home to one of the country's most reformative leaders: Gough Whitlam. Fairfield Council will honour the late Gough Whitlam by naming the public square at its new Dutton Lane development in Cabramatta "Gough Whitlam Place". His memorial service will also be broadcast in Freedom Plaza. The former prime minister was member for the southwest seat of Werriwa for 25 years. He was very approachable and had Australia at heart. In fact, it was his direct experience of life in the sprawling western suburbs that inspired him to address the problems of urban Australia. Once in government, he never lost his passion or empathy for working Australians. He helped transform Australia into a land of progress, opportunity, equality and fairness.
It was at about that time that as with many early migrants in the 1970s, my father applied for migration to Australia and was accepted there. He left Pakistan was to avoid the political instability of the region; hereby securing a better future to come and because he did not have the heart to charge money from the poorest of poor persons upon seeking treatment. Upon arriving at the shores of Australia, he received employment with Fairfield Hospital located in Sydney's Western suburbs. During the year of 1974, he went back to Pakistan to visit his family and it was decided that he should seek a new bride to wed. It was during that year that both my mother and father married. My mother sought migration not long thereafter.
Both were later united in the same year and worked together in Fairfield Hospital for some time. Later, my father grew his practice in Cabramatta. Western Sydney is now known for generating the third largest economy in Australia behind the Sydney Central Business District and Melbourne and its highly dense multicultural population.
Consequently, we grew up with core, unique, Australian multicultural values consisting of three essential elements:
1. Those who arrive in Australia are invited to continue to celebrate their cultures and traditions, not only within a broader culture of freedom but, more importantly, with due regard;
2. Shared respect for democratic beliefs, laws and rights; and
3. Belief in its political bipartisanship.
In the interim, the suburb did begin to have an image problem, primarily due to its reputation as a point for drug-dealing. With the refugee influx came a heroin problem, which, has now been contained. My father was also very influential in getting the attention of media and government on the issue and did speak before the Parliamentary Inquiry.
Cabramatta is also remembered for the political murder of a NSW State MP, John Newman,outside his Cabramatta home in September 1994. This was Australia's first ever political assassination and thus this assassination drew much attention and alarm.
All around, Cabramatta is what modern day Australia encompasses. It sets the stage for shaping Australia politically, and, from a policy perspective. It grew, suffered some loss, and, now, has become a place to where people want to flock in order to sustain some of the best deals on material; electronics; homeware; shoes; food and clothing. Therefore, the multicultural environment brought much innovation, ideas, skills, energy with achievement. Lives were enriched for those reasons. Australians enjoy a higher standard of living than they would have, otherwise, due to a broad array of skills and knowledge. Part of this meant working within these values to sustain a culture within a new homeland. A recognition and celebration of different cultural heritages was made with a common, shared future.
Monday, October 20, 2014
Spicing up my life with Bollywood
Living in the often miserable and complex weather patterns of Chicago, I hereby testify, and, declare that, to the best of my knowledge, Bollywood, most certainly, continues to peddle my surge in fantasy and can prove to be escapism at its finest.
Instead of choosing to want to trick or treat and play dress up during the time of Halloween; I would much rather curl up under a blanket with some chai, my PJs and to want to watch Bollywood dance numbers, or, a full diversionary fare in that delivers romance, comedy, action, melodrama, songs and dance.
These movies do possess masala like qualities: spicy blends of genre which evoke an entertaining dish leaving you wanting more. This is, in fact, what makes Bollywood so compelling. Disney classics whilst do follow a similar formula, somehow, manage to fall short for me. Bollywood is more sentimental, melodramatic, and unironically exaggerated.
As of recent, Disney and Bollywood have fused in the latest film, "Khoobsoorut. " It is a wonder as to how many more of these will come our way.
Nonetheless, the presence of Bollywood in one's life can never be underestimated. It is able to fill in any void of the following: a life bereft of travel, color, costume, clothing, culture, luxury, love and feeling the part. It further serves as unique and powerful disseminator of Indian culture and values abroad. As such, instant gratification of some sort is received without much of a toll on one's pocket. I am sure Bollywood is a contributor in why so many arranged marriages are still working and alive today.
Interestingly enough is the surge in my desires to want to boost the masalas in my meals at this time of year as well; which also becomes more flavorful. More complex in the making, but I want haleem, chicken karahi, nihari and, or, biryani. Delish. I say bring on the spice!
Instead of choosing to want to trick or treat and play dress up during the time of Halloween; I would much rather curl up under a blanket with some chai, my PJs and to want to watch Bollywood dance numbers, or, a full diversionary fare in that delivers romance, comedy, action, melodrama, songs and dance.
These movies do possess masala like qualities: spicy blends of genre which evoke an entertaining dish leaving you wanting more. This is, in fact, what makes Bollywood so compelling. Disney classics whilst do follow a similar formula, somehow, manage to fall short for me. Bollywood is more sentimental, melodramatic, and unironically exaggerated.
As of recent, Disney and Bollywood have fused in the latest film, "Khoobsoorut. " It is a wonder as to how many more of these will come our way.
Nonetheless, the presence of Bollywood in one's life can never be underestimated. It is able to fill in any void of the following: a life bereft of travel, color, costume, clothing, culture, luxury, love and feeling the part. It further serves as unique and powerful disseminator of Indian culture and values abroad. As such, instant gratification of some sort is received without much of a toll on one's pocket. I am sure Bollywood is a contributor in why so many arranged marriages are still working and alive today.
Interestingly enough is the surge in my desires to want to boost the masalas in my meals at this time of year as well; which also becomes more flavorful. More complex in the making, but I want haleem, chicken karahi, nihari and, or, biryani. Delish. I say bring on the spice!
Friday, October 17, 2014
In a spin about the 'Charkha'
The word charkha which has links with Persian چرخ: charKh, wheel, which is related to the word "circle." In short, it is hand-cranked spinning wheel used for cotton and other fiber making purposes. Within subcontinental history, Gandhi had hoped that through its implementation the independence movement would able to be established. Self - sufficiency and independence via this means is even depicted on earlier flag versions of India.
From a historical perspective, Indians were working hard to produce cotton which often was shipped to England and made into cloth. It added to insult when the British would send the cloth back to India to be sold at a price that most were unable to afford. For those reasons, Gandhi sought to evade exploitation by developing a spinning wheel that every Indian could afford within a home environment. The shackles of oppression were broken as it helped in the fight for independence. It is still used in India today. It, thereby, became a free movement that reduced competition.
For those reasons the charkha is a symbol of culture; a culture that disappeared after industrialization. Almost an obsession for many; it is a nostalgia that is carried through glorification in books, songs and pop culture that is very alive today within Pakistan. Whilst that may be the case, if one searches deeper the relevance can be applicable to everybody in their daily grind.
In Sufi poetry, it is definitely appreciation of hard work. Its significance lies in the struggle for earning good deeds in this world for the hereafter. When demonstrated often in music made by artists such as Abeda Parveen and Junoon; it often brings a level of romanticism. Whilst it mainly depicts an elderly woman who is spinning a 'charka'; she is taken to another level and is rewarded by nothing too great in this life. She strives alone, continues uneffaced but still very present and required by society. In the scheme of things, her role often gets overlooked and is yet is the very reason for the tight fabric of society being glued and held together. The monotony, simplicity, and, existential being is what connects one and can draw one to celebrate it's being. A purpose is found in this task and she humbly submits to the role that has been apportioned to her. Within the same,there is a high level of self- reliance as nobody is by her side. She keeps looking forward without complaint and utters nothing but praise for her Lord, coupled with, a high level of optimism it seems.
For those reasons, it is truly a special wheel as it encompasses history that helped force a change in India and Pakistan. It also seeks to remind that life is a perpetual journey of birth, resurrection, and death. So, shall we spin?
From a historical perspective, Indians were working hard to produce cotton which often was shipped to England and made into cloth. It added to insult when the British would send the cloth back to India to be sold at a price that most were unable to afford. For those reasons, Gandhi sought to evade exploitation by developing a spinning wheel that every Indian could afford within a home environment. The shackles of oppression were broken as it helped in the fight for independence. It is still used in India today. It, thereby, became a free movement that reduced competition.
For those reasons the charkha is a symbol of culture; a culture that disappeared after industrialization. Almost an obsession for many; it is a nostalgia that is carried through glorification in books, songs and pop culture that is very alive today within Pakistan. Whilst that may be the case, if one searches deeper the relevance can be applicable to everybody in their daily grind.
In Sufi poetry, it is definitely appreciation of hard work. Its significance lies in the struggle for earning good deeds in this world for the hereafter. When demonstrated often in music made by artists such as Abeda Parveen and Junoon; it often brings a level of romanticism. Whilst it mainly depicts an elderly woman who is spinning a 'charka'; she is taken to another level and is rewarded by nothing too great in this life. She strives alone, continues uneffaced but still very present and required by society. In the scheme of things, her role often gets overlooked and is yet is the very reason for the tight fabric of society being glued and held together. The monotony, simplicity, and, existential being is what connects one and can draw one to celebrate it's being. A purpose is found in this task and she humbly submits to the role that has been apportioned to her. Within the same,there is a high level of self- reliance as nobody is by her side. She keeps looking forward without complaint and utters nothing but praise for her Lord, coupled with, a high level of optimism it seems.
For those reasons, it is truly a special wheel as it encompasses history that helped force a change in India and Pakistan. It also seeks to remind that life is a perpetual journey of birth, resurrection, and death. So, shall we spin?
Monday, October 6, 2014
#MuslimApologies: Should we say Sorry or not?
The rhetoric of not being apologetic enough for acts committed in the name of Islam is a constant theme we are hearing by media and heads of government.
One the one hand, it has to be acknowledged that Muslims should not have to apologize for the actions of a few.
At the same time, it is our duty to engage in spreading the message or, "dawa." If there is any ignorance in the teachings of Islam, it is because we have failed in the sending of the message or people's understanding of the same.
A more rampant dawa technique would have ensured that this would not have had to happen in the first place. For those reasons, it has to be considered as to where do we draw the line in apologizing and in rejecting a position or stance?
The #NotInMyName campaign which has been quick to denounce radical extremism like the Islamic State and their actions; whilst others question as to why all Muslims should feel compelled to apologize every time a crime is committed by extremists in the name of Islam.
Their position being, "When other religions' leaders and members don't apologize for actions committed in the name of their faith, frustrated Muslims ask, why should ours?"
Apologies and being apologetic is also part of our faith. Sometimes it is the key to holding a healthy life. It is often considered a valuable, ethical trait. We should care enough about our religion being slandered and the representation of Islam which has been either twisted, misconstrued, and, or, not being properly represented at all; due to lack of information or ignorance and a failing on our part.
Having understood that, and washing our hands off the matter by saying that not all people that state that they are 'real' Muslims or practicing Muslims may depict Islam in its true state is not grossly irresponsible or immature either.
Muslims should grow and rise above and beyond expectations. We bear the onus of spreading the message correctly. It is also what our religion requires.
One the one hand, it has to be acknowledged that Muslims should not have to apologize for the actions of a few.
At the same time, it is our duty to engage in spreading the message or, "dawa." If there is any ignorance in the teachings of Islam, it is because we have failed in the sending of the message or people's understanding of the same.
A more rampant dawa technique would have ensured that this would not have had to happen in the first place. For those reasons, it has to be considered as to where do we draw the line in apologizing and in rejecting a position or stance?
The #NotInMyName campaign which has been quick to denounce radical extremism like the Islamic State and their actions; whilst others question as to why all Muslims should feel compelled to apologize every time a crime is committed by extremists in the name of Islam.
Their position being, "When other religions' leaders and members don't apologize for actions committed in the name of their faith, frustrated Muslims ask, why should ours?"
Apologies and being apologetic is also part of our faith. Sometimes it is the key to holding a healthy life. It is often considered a valuable, ethical trait. We should care enough about our religion being slandered and the representation of Islam which has been either twisted, misconstrued, and, or, not being properly represented at all; due to lack of information or ignorance and a failing on our part.
Having understood that, and washing our hands off the matter by saying that not all people that state that they are 'real' Muslims or practicing Muslims may depict Islam in its true state is not grossly irresponsible or immature either.
Muslims should grow and rise above and beyond expectations. We bear the onus of spreading the message correctly. It is also what our religion requires.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Is Hypersexualization of Women a Hidden Form of Racism?
When we hear of sexiest women in today's age it has become equated with the names Kim Kardashian, JLo and Beyoncé. We are now being told a "fuller" figure and more curvaceous figure is the new trend. Nicki Minaj took that to a whole new level in her recent song, "Anaconda." Majority of these women do not fit the beauty standards of the past that were held by the fashion and movie industry.
Admittedly, I do identify with these women more in that I possess some of these traits and so was almost glad to see away with the atypical model type: extremely tall, svelte, blonde and pale. However, in recent days it has been brought to my attention that whilst having feel beautiful, on the one hand, can have its drawbacks.
Within a historical context, the raping and using of black women solely for sexual purposes during slavery ultimately led to the sexualization of black women in all forms of media. This applied in today's world has meant that being sexy gives one feminine power. How about using intellect and someone to love you for your mind and soul? Modesty would promote such a goal and, unfortunately, objectifying women has lead to the group of persons objectified as playing a more docile role in society. It becomes one of a subservient, submissive person who is role playing to a, "Master."
The Master is empowered and younger girls are becoming more sexually aware; younger mothers and less socially successful which would include in a career.
In order to be sexualized, the person is purely objectified for entertainment purposes.
During slavery times and segregation, African Americans were devoid of any presence within the advertising industry. When they began to make their first appearances, they were shown as a number of different racist images being subservient or representing some form of entertainment for white people. As such, it is arguable that the overall master has changed to some degree but the role played is similar. This overall lends itself to women being incapable of taking care of themselves by falling pregnant earlier, unable to establish careers that can sustain one's living needs in this tough economy and more prone to incidents of domestic violence for that reason.
Interestingly enough, when it comes to the advertising domain and the sexuality of an, “Asian," is more clean and submissive in a way; while Black and Brown women’s sexuality is considered more dangerous, dirty and untamed. The, "Arab" and "Latina" woman is somewhere in between those two extremes. White women’s cultural appropriation is portrayed as the champions that dominate the uncivilized Other.
As such, portrayal of women with hypersexualized images serves no real purpose other than being more submissive and repressive than what many would think is the goal of a burka.
Admittedly, I do identify with these women more in that I possess some of these traits and so was almost glad to see away with the atypical model type: extremely tall, svelte, blonde and pale. However, in recent days it has been brought to my attention that whilst having feel beautiful, on the one hand, can have its drawbacks.
Within a historical context, the raping and using of black women solely for sexual purposes during slavery ultimately led to the sexualization of black women in all forms of media. This applied in today's world has meant that being sexy gives one feminine power. How about using intellect and someone to love you for your mind and soul? Modesty would promote such a goal and, unfortunately, objectifying women has lead to the group of persons objectified as playing a more docile role in society. It becomes one of a subservient, submissive person who is role playing to a, "Master."
The Master is empowered and younger girls are becoming more sexually aware; younger mothers and less socially successful which would include in a career.
In order to be sexualized, the person is purely objectified for entertainment purposes.
During slavery times and segregation, African Americans were devoid of any presence within the advertising industry. When they began to make their first appearances, they were shown as a number of different racist images being subservient or representing some form of entertainment for white people. As such, it is arguable that the overall master has changed to some degree but the role played is similar. This overall lends itself to women being incapable of taking care of themselves by falling pregnant earlier, unable to establish careers that can sustain one's living needs in this tough economy and more prone to incidents of domestic violence for that reason.
Interestingly enough, when it comes to the advertising domain and the sexuality of an, “Asian," is more clean and submissive in a way; while Black and Brown women’s sexuality is considered more dangerous, dirty and untamed. The, "Arab" and "Latina" woman is somewhere in between those two extremes. White women’s cultural appropriation is portrayed as the champions that dominate the uncivilized Other.
As such, portrayal of women with hypersexualized images serves no real purpose other than being more submissive and repressive than what many would think is the goal of a burka.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Sense and Sensibilities: In light of Muslim awkwardness
"Can male and female relationships ever be platonic?" Many females when asked say they can be, whilst, males more so believe it not to be the case; with men indicating that at some point in time an attraction existed, which, then, led into a relationship albeit a platonic one.
Now if we look to Islamic teachings for guidance and answers, it is clearly shown that the likelihood of platonic relationships is not the way in which the religion was to be set or practiced.
In fact, a state of strong feeling is considered to be healthy. That is, we are to be angry at an injustice. To have feelings of love in close relationships, especially between a husband and wife. When none of these feelings are present, then there is a disconnect with the heart, sensibilities, and, in what is to be practiced for the sake of Allah.
Amongst possible reasons for this includes: oppression has become so commonplace and/or the level of 'haya ' or 'shame' is virtually no longer in existence. We are constantly being fed with pictures, advertisements or interacting with people where we have become numb to feeling and almost immune to a context, within, which, we may be placed.
Constantly checking with the heart and cleaning it out of impurities that come through visual images, hearing of incorrect dialogue without action is what is leading to a demise of, "Muslim awkwardness." Whilst awkwardness is awkward and shouldn't be the case; it also shows that one is in touch with oneself.
Muslim awkwardness can be two fold: awkwardness when there is higher levels of shame and people (mainly of the opposite gender) cannot interact due to a higher level of consciousness; or when there is no awkwardness present and on lookers then judge or want to bring shame upon them; which then becomes awkward within itself.
Thus, finding that middle ground is most advisable. Having checks and balances within community can sometimes even be healthy. Whilst high levels of arousal are not recommended either, a good level of care and concern is where we should be at. Otherwise, a demise in relationships as they were programmed to be takes place. Perhaps, Muslim awkwardness isn't so bad after all.
Now if we look to Islamic teachings for guidance and answers, it is clearly shown that the likelihood of platonic relationships is not the way in which the religion was to be set or practiced.
In fact, a state of strong feeling is considered to be healthy. That is, we are to be angry at an injustice. To have feelings of love in close relationships, especially between a husband and wife. When none of these feelings are present, then there is a disconnect with the heart, sensibilities, and, in what is to be practiced for the sake of Allah.
Amongst possible reasons for this includes: oppression has become so commonplace and/or the level of 'haya ' or 'shame' is virtually no longer in existence. We are constantly being fed with pictures, advertisements or interacting with people where we have become numb to feeling and almost immune to a context, within, which, we may be placed.
Constantly checking with the heart and cleaning it out of impurities that come through visual images, hearing of incorrect dialogue without action is what is leading to a demise of, "Muslim awkwardness." Whilst awkwardness is awkward and shouldn't be the case; it also shows that one is in touch with oneself.
Muslim awkwardness can be two fold: awkwardness when there is higher levels of shame and people (mainly of the opposite gender) cannot interact due to a higher level of consciousness; or when there is no awkwardness present and on lookers then judge or want to bring shame upon them; which then becomes awkward within itself.
Thus, finding that middle ground is most advisable. Having checks and balances within community can sometimes even be healthy. Whilst high levels of arousal are not recommended either, a good level of care and concern is where we should be at. Otherwise, a demise in relationships as they were programmed to be takes place. Perhaps, Muslim awkwardness isn't so bad after all.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
The Desi Denial Disorder "(DDD)" Diagnosed
The term, "desi," is a word derived from Sanskrit with the meaning, "one from our country"; a national opposed to a foreign. It is in reference to people from the subcontinent, in general, and mainly India and Pakistan.
Having said that, many of desi origins tend to hold on to certain traditions. Family pride and image amongst locals is just one. When we compare Western and Eastern values a, "keeping up with the Jones'," mentality becomes more so when applied to persons of Eastern background who live in the West. Though not quite a clash of civilizations; the reason for same is not known either. Whether it is the history of a caste system giving rise to more competition, or having a population in lesser number that makes it more susceptible to discrepancies, or a combination of both; one can only speculate.
This competition mode becomes a survival of the fittest. That then would entail the, "living in a bubble world," where no one suffers or loss cannot be sustained. Desi denial disorder sinks in at this point if none of the following is achieved: What happens when my child doesn't have good grades? What happens if a career low turning point occurs? What happens if the marriage fails? What happens of I don't get a classy vehicle or mansion? What happens when the children don't end up in college and without pursuit of professional education? What if they can't get married to a person of same class, creed and culture? What if I can't afford to marry them? What if my children don't take care of me in my elders years? In essence, it is living life to please others or to keep within a certain ideal state.
Consequently, desis are not well equipped to cope with a crisis. Instead a, "saving face," is preferred to admission that a problem exists. Excuses and non admission is what most first generation desis have practiced. Interestingly enough, one wonders if such a trend will continue amongst the following generations. Will the children pick up on old traditions or adopt the Western ways which includes an ability to embrace, face and challenge teachings or prior principles? Perhaps, even a combination of the two. Personally, I have observed that desis prefer to keep quiet and advertising one's problems is still largely frowned upon. Fixing the problem instead of embracing change is what most tend to do. When this will change is yet to be seen.
Having said that, many of desi origins tend to hold on to certain traditions. Family pride and image amongst locals is just one. When we compare Western and Eastern values a, "keeping up with the Jones'," mentality becomes more so when applied to persons of Eastern background who live in the West. Though not quite a clash of civilizations; the reason for same is not known either. Whether it is the history of a caste system giving rise to more competition, or having a population in lesser number that makes it more susceptible to discrepancies, or a combination of both; one can only speculate.
This competition mode becomes a survival of the fittest. That then would entail the, "living in a bubble world," where no one suffers or loss cannot be sustained. Desi denial disorder sinks in at this point if none of the following is achieved: What happens when my child doesn't have good grades? What happens if a career low turning point occurs? What happens if the marriage fails? What happens of I don't get a classy vehicle or mansion? What happens when the children don't end up in college and without pursuit of professional education? What if they can't get married to a person of same class, creed and culture? What if I can't afford to marry them? What if my children don't take care of me in my elders years? In essence, it is living life to please others or to keep within a certain ideal state.
Consequently, desis are not well equipped to cope with a crisis. Instead a, "saving face," is preferred to admission that a problem exists. Excuses and non admission is what most first generation desis have practiced. Interestingly enough, one wonders if such a trend will continue amongst the following generations. Will the children pick up on old traditions or adopt the Western ways which includes an ability to embrace, face and challenge teachings or prior principles? Perhaps, even a combination of the two. Personally, I have observed that desis prefer to keep quiet and advertising one's problems is still largely frowned upon. Fixing the problem instead of embracing change is what most tend to do. When this will change is yet to be seen.
Monday, September 1, 2014
Modern day marriage within an Islamic context
"Muslims like to talk about one of two things: marriage and Jinns:" Ustadh Ubaydullah Evans.
Whilst that may be the case, and, marriage having such a high bar in that it is half of the completion of our religion; there really isn't much effective dialogue that is constructive in addressing the issue(s) that pertain to same.
Would you prefer your child to have an arranged marriage? Is love marriage even acceptable? How is it preferred that a match be made? Are cross - religion marriages even an option? Should people look local or global? What race, socio-economic, educational level(s) should the partner posses? Are you preaching the same principles that your parent(s) preached? Are they even relevant? Does it matter?
Generally speaking, within the framework of Muslim marriage there are two options: Arranged vs Love.
In an Arranged marriage scenario, if the marriage doesn't work out the person who made such a pairing is to be blamed instead of oneself.
On the other hand, in a love marriage one has only oneself to blame if all else fails and the parents will too especially of such a marriage went against the wishes of the parents.
Within Arranged marriages contexts, parents or guardians will consider the the following factors, upon which, to make a pairing:
1. Economic
2. Education
3. Family background
4. Culture
Whereas, in a love marriage typically one doesn't go out looking or in search of love, it just happens.
Nowadays, however, many amongst Muslims may screen selectively to ensure that their mate has certain factors or qualities similar to their own as with an arranged marriage dynamic. It is almost a fusion of the love/arranged marriage model.
This, in turn, presents with the question: What is halal dating? Is there such a thing? How else are we to learn further of the partner that we are choosing?
Within Islam, it needs to be understood that segregation is very common. Finding someone with whom there is compatibility thus becomes a task that almost seems impossible.
Some choose to abide by the moral codes of Islam, whilst others do not. At this stage it needs to be borne in mind that a love of God much superior and following His ultimate guidance is the sole reason and goal in Muslim belief. Even when it comes to looking at 'dating.'
For reasons thereof, physical connections outside of marriage, 'experimenting' or having a 'fling' don't exist in Islamic ethics. Self - preservation, discipline and protection, do. Remember: a person does not truly love you if they want to take you to a hell fire in the after life.
That is why someone who has good character and deen will choose to persevere with what is the preferred, but still current (and applicable) to the correct way in going about in doing so; that is, courting.
Goals of courting are not based on any physical consummation nor new encounters but are primarily centered around getting married. A nikah to gain God's blessings leads to physical and deeper emotional attachment after this long-term commitment is made.
From the first meeting to getting married mutual compatibility; attraction and spiritual understanding are general factors that are weighed up.
What Happens On A Halal Date?
Though Muslims often find it difficult to come to some sort of conclusion as to the way out religion operates; nonetheless there is some common ground that has been agreed to as to how an Islamic date should go about.
Primarily, it needs to be borne in mind that the finding of the One True God Who creates love and unites people is the main goal of the exercise and in marriage which is half of your deen.
Interactions based on dignity and respect are also part of our teachings.
Often enough, single Muslims are introduced through friends, family, networking, marriage sites, matchmaking individuals and/or social events.
Secondly, we have the boundaries of Islamic law which need to be adhered to. This would mean that meeting in public places, without being isolated and with Islamic behavior and dress codes is what has been ordained. Gatherings should be able to give the single Muslim a 'sense' of the other person. Personal compatibility requires more than one meeting and questions are then presented on both sides. Having similar goals in life would be one objective of both.
It would also be recommended that parties be aware of what being in a relationship entails. Education in relationships should be a highly desirable goal as well as a wanting to work together as a team. Knowledge of personality types and screening for different ones is also very important as this will help one decide whether or not one is able to live in such sorts of relationships or not. People do not change and one has to either be willing to change and work with and to what degree one is able also needs to be factored up from the outset. If one sees that there are certain qualities or issues present from the outset, then it is most likely that these issues do not fade but are magnified once married.
The best way to work on a marriage is before marriage, as getting married is just part of the process. In order to understand one's better half better it would highly be suggested that one engage in pre-marital training or counseling. Whether or not this should be through a masjid based community is something for us all to consider going forward. Workshop sessions on relationships and equipping persons with the right tools is underrated. Overlooking this leads to the demise of the very essence of what our community, hence, the roots of the foundation laying blocks of our future.
Days are gone where one marries to please parents. Marriage is never about pleasing a parent; but rather pleasing the Almighty first. Healthy, loving, thriving, just relationships is what would be most desirable. Muslims should be encouraged to make their own decisions and do engage in an Isthekhara process once screening is done. Love the rest unto thy Lord. Having said that, the community needs to play a greater role in how to sustain and enliven marriage. It is nothing near the portrayal of what Hollywood or Bollywood shows. In fact, reality is probably closer to what Pakistani dramas portray. Reinforcing oppression is not a solution either. Turning a blind eye to the reality of what the marriage market has become will not help. It is time for a change. A burning issue that needs to be addressed; with the coming of community as one.
Whilst that may be the case, and, marriage having such a high bar in that it is half of the completion of our religion; there really isn't much effective dialogue that is constructive in addressing the issue(s) that pertain to same.
Would you prefer your child to have an arranged marriage? Is love marriage even acceptable? How is it preferred that a match be made? Are cross - religion marriages even an option? Should people look local or global? What race, socio-economic, educational level(s) should the partner posses? Are you preaching the same principles that your parent(s) preached? Are they even relevant? Does it matter?
Generally speaking, within the framework of Muslim marriage there are two options: Arranged vs Love.
In an Arranged marriage scenario, if the marriage doesn't work out the person who made such a pairing is to be blamed instead of oneself.
On the other hand, in a love marriage one has only oneself to blame if all else fails and the parents will too especially of such a marriage went against the wishes of the parents.
Within Arranged marriages contexts, parents or guardians will consider the the following factors, upon which, to make a pairing:
1. Economic
2. Education
3. Family background
4. Culture
Whereas, in a love marriage typically one doesn't go out looking or in search of love, it just happens.
Nowadays, however, many amongst Muslims may screen selectively to ensure that their mate has certain factors or qualities similar to their own as with an arranged marriage dynamic. It is almost a fusion of the love/arranged marriage model.
This, in turn, presents with the question: What is halal dating? Is there such a thing? How else are we to learn further of the partner that we are choosing?
Within Islam, it needs to be understood that segregation is very common. Finding someone with whom there is compatibility thus becomes a task that almost seems impossible.
Some choose to abide by the moral codes of Islam, whilst others do not. At this stage it needs to be borne in mind that a love of God much superior and following His ultimate guidance is the sole reason and goal in Muslim belief. Even when it comes to looking at 'dating.'
For reasons thereof, physical connections outside of marriage, 'experimenting' or having a 'fling' don't exist in Islamic ethics. Self - preservation, discipline and protection, do. Remember: a person does not truly love you if they want to take you to a hell fire in the after life.
That is why someone who has good character and deen will choose to persevere with what is the preferred, but still current (and applicable) to the correct way in going about in doing so; that is, courting.
Goals of courting are not based on any physical consummation nor new encounters but are primarily centered around getting married. A nikah to gain God's blessings leads to physical and deeper emotional attachment after this long-term commitment is made.
From the first meeting to getting married mutual compatibility; attraction and spiritual understanding are general factors that are weighed up.
What Happens On A Halal Date?
Though Muslims often find it difficult to come to some sort of conclusion as to the way out religion operates; nonetheless there is some common ground that has been agreed to as to how an Islamic date should go about.
Primarily, it needs to be borne in mind that the finding of the One True God Who creates love and unites people is the main goal of the exercise and in marriage which is half of your deen.
Interactions based on dignity and respect are also part of our teachings.
Often enough, single Muslims are introduced through friends, family, networking, marriage sites, matchmaking individuals and/or social events.
Secondly, we have the boundaries of Islamic law which need to be adhered to. This would mean that meeting in public places, without being isolated and with Islamic behavior and dress codes is what has been ordained. Gatherings should be able to give the single Muslim a 'sense' of the other person. Personal compatibility requires more than one meeting and questions are then presented on both sides. Having similar goals in life would be one objective of both.
It would also be recommended that parties be aware of what being in a relationship entails. Education in relationships should be a highly desirable goal as well as a wanting to work together as a team. Knowledge of personality types and screening for different ones is also very important as this will help one decide whether or not one is able to live in such sorts of relationships or not. People do not change and one has to either be willing to change and work with and to what degree one is able also needs to be factored up from the outset. If one sees that there are certain qualities or issues present from the outset, then it is most likely that these issues do not fade but are magnified once married.
The best way to work on a marriage is before marriage, as getting married is just part of the process. In order to understand one's better half better it would highly be suggested that one engage in pre-marital training or counseling. Whether or not this should be through a masjid based community is something for us all to consider going forward. Workshop sessions on relationships and equipping persons with the right tools is underrated. Overlooking this leads to the demise of the very essence of what our community, hence, the roots of the foundation laying blocks of our future.
Days are gone where one marries to please parents. Marriage is never about pleasing a parent; but rather pleasing the Almighty first. Healthy, loving, thriving, just relationships is what would be most desirable. Muslims should be encouraged to make their own decisions and do engage in an Isthekhara process once screening is done. Love the rest unto thy Lord. Having said that, the community needs to play a greater role in how to sustain and enliven marriage. It is nothing near the portrayal of what Hollywood or Bollywood shows. In fact, reality is probably closer to what Pakistani dramas portray. Reinforcing oppression is not a solution either. Turning a blind eye to the reality of what the marriage market has become will not help. It is time for a change. A burning issue that needs to be addressed; with the coming of community as one.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Pakistan in Crisis: The Problem with Pakistan lies in its disparate treatment of its women
Marking the Independence of Pakistan today, one cannot help
but wonder as to the regression of Pakistan and as to what exactly has led to
its downfall.
As Pakistanis, we often fail to acknowledge the powerful
presence and role that women played in the building of the country. The only prominent figure that is made known
to a higher level is Lady Fatima Jinnah. What about Begum Shahnawaz, Begum
Liaqat Ali Khan and Fatima Sughra with the other large masses of women who
dedicated their lives to the movement?
Can we go back in time and be reminded by the Father of the
Nation that:
“Half of Pakistan is
yours because you have put in no less effort to achieve it than the men.”
As of late the current climate of terror and Talibanization
could possibly be linked with a brutal level of gender oppression, inhumanity
and violence. Furthermore, if we look across the border towards India we will
also see that the level of violence and sexualisation of women has increased
despite its Westernization and advancement as a global competitor.
So the question then becomes, where is this oppression occurring
and how is it starting? One needs to merely look no further than the home environments
in which children and families are being raised. Pakistani dramas that have the
highest ratings are the ones which are teaching women that it is OK to live in
extremely hostile and abusive conditions; and that family interference is
better than leading a more meaningful and purposeful life which could include
working outside of the home and giving back to society. Work in Pakistan is
also viewed as a burden in a society that is still deeply entrenched in a
feudal based system.
“Nations cannot be built
on a single foundation – both men and women had to be in unison:” Tazeen
Faridi an early member of the All Pakistan Women’s Association (APWA).
Then why all the murder, honour killing, rape, gang rape,
torture, burning, acid throwing, customary practices, custodial violence domestic
violence and sexual assault? The position of women needs to be elevated. Core
Islamic values and principles re-established and learned. Oppression is not
something which our religion teaches. In fact, we are to fight oppression which
is the duty of every Muslim. Economic factors, coupled with, the lack of
justice has inclined the number female victims.
In summation, when we think of Pakistan and the issues that
affect it the most, we begin to think of its stance on blasphemy, terrorism and
violence perpetrated by one sect upon another. When we dig deeper, it has to be
realized that the issues start from the treatment of its women. Women play a
vital role in any society by being an equal hand. It is these women who
contribute to teachings of values and how they are to be enacted. The need for
a serious overhaul is essential. It doesn’t have to start with just Malala and
in schools but at the homes where children are being raised.
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