The rate of divorce in Western countries is almost at the rate of fifty percent and this rate most certainly includes and affects Muslims living in the West also. Divorce is allowed in Islam and even acknowledged as a right. So why all the stigma and shaming of men and women who either choose or have no choice in going about taking such a route? More often than not, people who are mainly community elders, "assume," the role of lecturing or try on their part to, "knock in some sense," where they think a person is unable to make a proper judgment call. She was right. He was wrong. We can fix it like this. Maybe like that. Ironically, those persons do not realize that they have a different tolerance threshold than what another may. Reliance upon the belief of each soul having a burden than only it can bear; no more and no less is often ignored. People also start comparing and contrasting their married situation to yours which really makes no difference or sense as each couple has its own dynamic and circumstances which can never truly be the same.
"Divorce is sometimes considered as a mercy in Islam," was one of the most insightful quotes into the matter made by Ustadh Ubaydullah Evans. This is because sometimes in marriage we end up doing more harm than good. In such instances, it may be better to part. Unfortunately, many in the community do not agree to this or even understand. It is permitted in the religion to protect men and women from a marriage where either party are denied their rights. It safeguards dignity and needs. Nobody should be forced to carry a cultural burden of shame because of what they deem is a, "failure," or a person no longer being, "pure," in their eyes.
Whilst it may be true that such persons are back on the, "meat market," it does not mean that they should be subject to prey or being preyed upon. It is time that acceptance instead of marginalizing of divorcees took place and that the community at large embrace such persons. Having a, "being married," status never should affect one's standing. Nor should the children of divorcees be cast aside for being different to them; when what they require is love and acceptance.
The reality is that divorced people do care about their relationships. They evolve in their relationships and choose not to be miserably married. They move into a co - parenting scenario and may even become more productive in parenting as a result. Divorcees are not nonchalant. It is not a sign of weakness but takes a lot of strength. Finding support helps those in times of loss. That is what they truly need.
