Is Hypersexualization of Women a Hidden Form of Racism?

When we hear of sexiest women in today's age it has become equated with the names Kim Kardashian, JLo and Beyoncé. We are now being told a "fuller" figure and more curvaceous figure is the new trend. Nicki Minaj took that to a whole new level in her recent song, "Anaconda." Majority of these women do not fit the beauty standards of the past that were held by the fashion and movie industry.

Admittedly, I do identify with these women more in that I possess some of these traits and so was almost glad to see away with the atypical model type: extremely tall, svelte, blonde and pale. However, in recent days it has been brought to my attention that whilst having feel beautiful, on the one hand, can have its drawbacks.

Within a historical context, the raping and using of black women solely for sexual purposes during slavery ultimately led to the sexualization of black women in all forms of media. This applied in today's world has meant that being sexy gives one feminine power. How about using intellect and someone to love you for your mind and soul? Modesty would promote such a goal and, unfortunately, objectifying women has lead to the group of persons objectified as playing a more docile role in society. It becomes one of a subservient, submissive person who is role playing to a, "Master."

The Master is empowered and younger girls are becoming more sexually aware; younger mothers and less socially successful which would include in a career.

In order to be sexualized, the person is purely objectified for entertainment purposes.

During slavery times and segregation, African Americans were devoid of any presence within the advertising industry. When they began to make their first appearances, they were shown as a number of different racist images being subservient or representing some form of entertainment for white people. As such, it is arguable that the overall master has changed to some degree but the role played is similar. This overall lends itself to women being incapable of taking care of themselves by falling pregnant earlier, unable to establish careers that can sustain one's living needs in this tough economy and more prone to incidents of domestic violence for that reason.

Interestingly enough, when it comes to the advertising domain and the sexuality of an, “Asian," is more clean and submissive in a way; while Black and Brown women’s sexuality is considered more dangerous, dirty and untamed. The, "Arab" and "Latina" woman is somewhere in between those two extremes. White women’s cultural appropriation is portrayed as the champions that dominate the uncivilized Other.

As such, portrayal of women with hypersexualized images serves no real purpose other than being more submissive and repressive than what many would think is the goal of a burka.

Sense and Sensibilities: In light of Muslim awkwardness

"Can male and female relationships ever be platonic?" Many females when asked say they can be, whilst, males more so believe it not to be the case; with men indicating that at some point in time an attraction existed, which, then, led into a relationship albeit a platonic one.

Now if we look to Islamic teachings for guidance and answers, it is clearly shown that the likelihood of platonic relationships is not the way in which the religion was to be set or practiced.

In fact, a state of strong feeling is considered to be healthy. That is, we are to be angry at an injustice. To have feelings of love in close relationships, especially between a husband and wife. When none of these feelings are present, then there is a disconnect with the heart, sensibilities, and, in what is to be practiced for the sake of Allah.

Amongst possible reasons for this includes: oppression has become so commonplace and/or the level of 'haya ' or 'shame' is virtually no longer in existence. We are constantly being fed with pictures, advertisements or interacting with people where we have become numb to feeling and almost immune to a context, within, which, we may be placed.

Constantly checking with the heart and cleaning it out of impurities that come through visual images, hearing of incorrect dialogue without action is what is leading to a demise of, "Muslim awkwardness." Whilst awkwardness is awkward and shouldn't be the case;  it also shows that one is in touch with oneself.

Muslim awkwardness can be two fold: awkwardness when there is higher levels of shame and people (mainly of the opposite gender) cannot interact due to a higher level of consciousness; or when there is no awkwardness present and on lookers then judge or want to bring shame upon them; which then becomes awkward within itself.

Thus, finding that middle ground is most advisable. Having checks and balances within community can sometimes even be healthy. Whilst high levels of arousal are not recommended either, a good level of care and concern is where we should be at. Otherwise, a demise in relationships as they were programmed to be takes place. Perhaps, Muslim awkwardness isn't so bad after all.

The Desi Denial Disorder "(DDD)" Diagnosed

The term, "desi," is a word derived from Sanskrit with the meaning, "one from our country"; a national opposed to a foreign. It is in reference to people from the subcontinent, in general, and mainly India and Pakistan.

Having said that, many of desi origins tend to hold on to certain traditions. Family pride and image amongst locals is just one. When we compare Western and Eastern values a, "keeping up with the Jones'," mentality becomes more so when applied to persons of Eastern background who live in the West. Though not quite a clash of civilizations; the reason for same is not known either. Whether it is the history of a caste system giving rise to more competition, or having a population in lesser number that makes it more susceptible to discrepancies, or a combination of both; one can only speculate.

This competition mode becomes a survival of the fittest. That then would entail the, "living in a bubble world," where no one suffers or loss cannot be sustained. Desi denial disorder sinks in at this point if none of the following is achieved: What happens when my child doesn't have good grades? What happens if a career low turning point occurs? What happens if the marriage fails? What happens of I don't get a classy vehicle or mansion? What happens when the children don't end up in college and without pursuit of professional education? What if they can't get married to a person of same class, creed and culture? What if I can't afford to marry them? What if my children don't take care of me in my elders years? In essence, it is living life to please others or to keep within a certain ideal state.

Consequently, desis are not well equipped to cope with a crisis. Instead a, "saving face," is preferred to admission that a problem exists. Excuses and non admission is what most first generation desis have practiced. Interestingly enough, one wonders if such a trend will continue amongst the following generations. Will the children pick up on old traditions or adopt the Western ways which includes an ability to embrace, face and challenge teachings or prior principles? Perhaps, even a combination of the two. Personally, I have observed that desis prefer to keep quiet and advertising one's problems is still largely frowned upon. Fixing the problem instead of embracing change is what most tend to do. When this will change is yet to be seen.

Modern day marriage within an Islamic context

"Muslims like to talk about one of two things: marriage and Jinns:" Ustadh Ubaydullah Evans.

Whilst that may be the case, and, marriage having such a high bar in that it is half of the completion of our religion; there really isn't much effective dialogue that is constructive in addressing the issue(s) that pertain to same.

Would you prefer your child to have an arranged marriage? Is love marriage even acceptable? How is it preferred that a match be made? Are cross - religion marriages even an option? Should people look local or global? What race, socio-economic, educational level(s) should the partner posses? Are you preaching the same principles that your parent(s) preached? Are they even relevant? Does it matter?

Generally speaking, within the framework of Muslim marriage there are two options: Arranged vs Love.

In an Arranged marriage scenario, if the marriage doesn't work out the person who made such a pairing is to be blamed instead of oneself.

On the other hand, in a love marriage one has only oneself to blame if all else fails and the parents will too especially of such a marriage went against the wishes of the parents.

Within Arranged marriages contexts, parents or guardians will consider the the following factors, upon which, to make a pairing:

1. Economic
2. Education
3. Family background
4. Culture

Whereas, in a love marriage typically one doesn't go out looking or in search of love, it just happens.

Nowadays, however, many amongst Muslims may screen selectively to ensure that their mate has certain factors or qualities similar to their own as with an arranged marriage dynamic. It is almost a fusion of the love/arranged marriage model.

This, in turn, presents with the question: What is halal dating? Is there such a thing? How else are we to learn further of the partner that we are choosing?

Within Islam, it needs to be understood that segregation is very common. Finding someone with whom there is compatibility thus becomes a task that almost seems impossible.

Some choose to abide by the moral codes of Islam, whilst others do not. At this stage it needs to be borne in mind that a love of God much superior and following His ultimate guidance is the sole reason and goal in Muslim belief. Even when it comes to looking at 'dating.'

For reasons thereof, physical connections outside of marriage, 'experimenting' or having a 'fling' don't exist in Islamic ethics. Self - preservation, discipline and protection, do. Remember: a person does not truly love you if they want to take you to a hell fire in the after life.

That is why someone who has good character and deen will choose to persevere with what is the preferred, but still current (and applicable) to the correct way in going about in doing so; that is, courting.

Goals of courting are not based on any physical consummation nor new encounters but are primarily centered around getting married. A nikah to gain God's blessings leads to physical and deeper emotional attachment after this long-term commitment is made.

From the first meeting to getting married mutual compatibility; attraction and spiritual understanding are general factors that are weighed up.

What Happens On A Halal Date?

Though Muslims often find it difficult to come to some sort of conclusion as to the way out religion operates; nonetheless there is some common ground that has been agreed to as to how an Islamic date should go about.

Primarily, it needs to be borne in mind that the finding of the One True God Who creates love and unites people is the main goal of the exercise and in marriage which is half of your deen.

Interactions based on dignity and respect are also part of our teachings.

Often enough, single Muslims are introduced through friends, family, networking, marriage sites, matchmaking individuals and/or social events.

Secondly, we have the boundaries of Islamic law which need to be adhered to. This would mean that meeting in public places, without being isolated and with Islamic behavior and dress codes is what has been ordained. Gatherings should be able to give the single Muslim a 'sense' of the other person. Personal compatibility requires more than one meeting and questions are then presented on both sides. Having similar goals in life would be one objective of both.

It would also be recommended that parties be aware of what being in a relationship entails. Education in relationships should be a highly desirable goal as well as a wanting to work together as a team. Knowledge of personality types and screening for different ones is also very important as this will help one decide whether or not one is able to live in such sorts of relationships or not. People do not change and one has to either be willing to change and work with and to what degree one is able also needs to be factored up from the outset. If one sees that there are certain qualities or issues present from the outset, then it is most likely that these issues do not fade but are magnified once married.

The best way to work on a marriage is before marriage, as getting married is just part of the process. In order to understand one's better half better it would highly be suggested that one engage in pre-marital training or counseling. Whether or not this should be through a masjid based community is something for us all to consider going forward. Workshop sessions on relationships and equipping persons with the right tools is underrated. Overlooking this leads to the demise of the very essence of what our community, hence, the roots of the foundation laying blocks of our future.

Days are gone where one marries to please parents. Marriage is never about pleasing a parent; but rather pleasing the Almighty first. Healthy, loving, thriving, just relationships is what would be most desirable. Muslims should be encouraged to make their own decisions and do engage in an Isthekhara process once screening is done. Love the rest unto thy Lord. Having said that, the community needs to play a greater role in how to sustain and enliven marriage. It is nothing near the portrayal of what Hollywood or Bollywood shows. In fact, reality is probably closer to what Pakistani dramas portray. Reinforcing oppression is not a solution either. Turning a blind eye to the reality of what the marriage market has become will not help. It is time for a change. A burning issue that needs to be addressed; with the coming of community as one.